It is a new year.
Many would consider this the ideal time of year to invest in new goals – or new year resolutions. I have tried this in the past, but it didn’t work for me. I didn’t hold true to the resolutions. Therefore, I use this time of year to reflect. I reflect on my life – where is was, where it is, and where it is going. And, if I am being honest, I am not entirely happy with some of the truths uncovered. I am not saying that my life is bad nor am I saying that I am unhappy in my life. That would not be true. What I am saying is that my life still feels unbalanced.
If you have been following my blog, you will know that I have struggled with both finding and maintaining balance in my life. I often feel as though I am caught in a spinning wheel chasing days. It is both dizzying and exhausting. I am unable to catch up, catch my breath, or even catch a moment of stillness. My own passions and interests have fallen to the wayside as I continue to pursue daily obligations at the expense of my mental, emotional, and physical health. How did my life become so off-kilter in these past 2 years? TWO YEARS!
As I sit and reflect on the daily choices I am making, I am hit with some difficult truths. The choice to be on the spinning wheel is mine alone. I am solely responsible for choosing this path. I have chosen this chaos. It is no one’s fault but mine own.
But why? Why do I choose the chaos over calm?
Perhaps I thrive on the drama, or perhaps I fear the calm. Perhaps it is both. Either way, this is a difficult truth to accept – if it is true – and I wonder if I am only one that feels this way. Am I the only one who throws self to the wind, only to get tangled up in the gusts? Am I the only one whose self-care is slipping to the wayside as the days and months progress? How does one take back the minutes or hours for oneself without feeling incredibly guilty? How does one achieve that balance? I know I have pondered these questions before – thoughts expressed in my recent post Tiny Whispers – and I know I have the courage to make a change. I just need to commit to making a change. But how do I begin?
Baby steps.
I will begin by taking baby steps – slowly, methodically, and steadily. Baby steps. I will be the change I wish to see. I will start with realistic, time-management goals for myself. I will commit to 15 minutes a day toward writing, reading, piano or ukulele – a creative endeavour that is solely and unabashedly for me. For we must all learn to take these baby steps. If we do not then we will never move forward. We will never learn to walk the path we dream of achieving.
What is your truth uncovered? What are you reflecting on as we begin a new year? Will you be the change you wish to see?
A Time of Reflection. Published by Crystal Joy Hall
Featured Image by Alexas Fotos
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