Tis the season to be lonely. Yes. It’s true. The Christmas season, albeit merry and bright for some, can also be isolating and lonely for others. I know that I have been feeling lonely, despite all the people that rally around me on a daily basis. I still feel very lonely. I’m not sure if it is the Christmas season that brings out these feelings of angst, loneliness, and isolation, or if it is just the season of autumn itself. Autumn, for me, represents the fading of life. Trees become barren, the skies are murky, it’s cold, bleak, and damp … and the mood of the season sparks a mood within me. I know I should feel joyous, but instead I feel lonely, weary, and frustrated.
Frankly, I’m frustrated with cancer. The process of recovery that I still find myself in frustrates me, and because of that I am sullen. Will I always be in discomfort and pain, or will the physical limitations and discomfort that I feel subside over time and with continued physiotherapy? How long does it take for a cancer survivor to stop thinking about cancer everyday, and be reminded of the limitations you currently have because of the cancer treatment? How long does it take before the worry fades? And how long before you can rejoice in having kicked cancer’s ass? Because sometimes I am rejoicing, but often I am subdued and hesitant. These thoughts whirl around in the corners of my mind, and my feelings of loneliness become magnified as a result. Because truthfully, I don’t have anyone that I can talk to that has gone, and is going through, what I am going through. I have many wonderful, selfless people who empathize and sympathize, but I have no one that is my age or shares a similar circumstance as myself who can truly understand.
And then it dawns on me that I am to blame for that. It is my own fault for feeling lonely and isolated. This is the moment where I realize I have to keep reaching out. As much as I want to retreat inward and protect my vulnerable self, I must reach out and make my own connections within the breast cancer community. It is one of the reasons I was inspired to create my blog Live, Love, Laugh … Life After Cancer. I wanted to reach out and share my story, my experiences, my thoughts, and my hopes, so that I could perhaps inspire some and help others. And, by sharing through my blog, I also help myself to cope with the aftermath of cancer and the daily challenges that arise. With this revelation in mind, and to combat my feelings of isolation and loneliness, I took courage. I joined the community ReThink Breast Cancer. And by join, I mean I quite literally joined within the last 36hrs. I have yet to experience the full breadth of this social network, however, I feel a huge sense of relief knowing I am now a part of a community of young women who are fighting the same fight as myself.
Tis the season to be lonely. Yes. But it doesn’t have to be. Just be kind to yourself, and help you as you would help others. You can be courageous. Reach out. Don’t fight your fight alone. Find kindred souls. Find a network, a community, a village. Because, to be understood by others – truly understood – is a glorious feeling, and the best cure for loneliness.
Tis The Season To Be Lonely. Published by Crystal Joy Hall
Wow. I have heard these exact words recently from my daughter. She is a breast cancer survivor. She has the same feelings, so you are not alone. She will have days filled with fear of cancer returning and then other days she is a fighting force. So many mixed emotions. Seeing that you are aware of you thoughts is a good thing, because you know what you have to do help yourself. Sounds like you are on the right path. I will share your blog with her, if she isn’t already following you. Keep on being you.
Thank you!