It has been a struggle to write, of late. I am not sure why. Perhaps I have not felt inspired, or perhaps I have just felt exhausted. Perhaps it is a combination of the two afflictions; I am not inspired because I am so exhausted – physically, mentally, and emotionally. My body is tired. My brain is in a fog. My emotions are in flux. What is going on with me?
“My Thoughts are scattered and they’re cloudy, they have no border, no boundaries.” – Simon & Garfunkel
My inclination is to run to my Doctor and have a battery of tests done just to rule out the obvious concern [cancer]. Perhaps I should? But I am wondering if there is anyone else out there experiencing this type of exhaustion as acutely as I am? I mean, it is January. Is this normal?
Truthfully, Toronto has not seen a lot of sunlight since September. We endured one of the wettest and gloomiest autumns in years, and now we find ourselves in the cold clutches of winter. The lack of blue skies and sunshine wreaks havoc on health and well-being. I have been afflicted with sinus infection upon sinus infection since October, leaving me sleep deprived and worn. I miss the warm caress of the sun. Even now, as I look out my window I am met with shades of grey peppered with the blustering snow. And it is bitterly cold.
“The sky is grey and white and cloudy, sometimes I think it’s hanging down on me.” – Simon & Garfunkel
It is no wonder I feel drained. When I find myself in this physical, mental, and emotional funk I struggle to create. I struggle with all that I enjoy. I struggle with parenting. I struggle as a wife. My body feels heavy. My patience is thin. My spirits are low. I do not like feeling this way. How does one break this cycle? What does one do? One thrives…
I thrive – searching for what can heal my troubled soul – whether it is music to focus me; novels to inspire me; or treatments to heal my aching body. I push forward through the weariness. Exploring the shifts in energy, embracing the moments that bring happiness to my heart, and reminding myself to breathe – just breathe.
“These clouds stick to the sky like floating questions, why?” – Simon & Garfunkel
I know that sunshine will soon find me, but until that time I will survive on the bottled version… in the meantime, I leave you Cloudy.
Cloudy. Published by Crystal Joy Hall