It has definitely been a difficult few weeks. I haven’t had a lot of sleep because my son is in a phase where shadows, darkness, and generally all things spooky is waking him up each and every night, at all hours of the night. And of course, when tired and run down, my own thoughts become bleak, dreary, and wearisome. I begin to slip into that vast chasm of fear – that fear of my cancer reoccurring. I know it’s not something I should give fuel to, but I can’t help but worry. My cancer was HER-2 positive, but I did not qualify for Herceptin, so that will always scare me. Plus, I have officially been released from all care from my Oncologists and Specialists, and instead of feeling acceptance and peacefulness – which I thought I would feel – I feel abandoned, I feel alone, and I feel frightened. I’ve been lying awake at night, fretting over my deceptive fears, as my son frets over his. It has been a restless household.
After coping with these fractious imaginings whirling around our household, I realized that I desperately needed a release; I needed an escape; and I needed little moments of joy to suppress my restless mind. So I invested my little moments into three simple joys: of solitude, of nature, and of friendship, interlaced with the love of coffee.
Prior to my very long work-Saturday, I treated myself to some much-needed solitude and a latte from Church Street Espresso. The aromatic espresso roast was replete with silky flavours of nut, cocoa, and caramel, with a hint of smokiness. That first sip transcended the simple espresso, and my spirits lifted. I felt, for the first time in weeks, totally relaxed. I lazily strolled along the streets [to work], basking in the warm breeze, the playful sun rays, and my inner solitude, all while savouring my exquisite latte. For the first time in a long time I felt like Me, and that feeling stayed with me throughout the day – all because of that one simple pleasure – but slipped away by nightfall.
Determined to gain that sense of self back, I concentrated my energy on positive thoughts, and spent my lazy-day Sunday with my husband and my son. We hiked through the nature trail near our home in search of the Easter Bunny’s burrow, and concluded the quest at Evergreen Brickworks; where we then explored the ponds and admired the many birds – mallards, red-winged blackbirds, goldfinches, red-breasted robins, and even a Canada Goose. Although the surrounding foliage was brown, grey, and barren, you could feel the kiss of spring in the air. We laughed, we ran, we explored, and we (as in my husband and I), of course, drank coffee. Another splurge, this time on a smooth and creamy latte from Cafe Belong. It was delectable. I felt alive. I felt grateful. I felt calm.
Fast-forward to today; where I spent my morning hours with my dearest friend. This friend, who has been by my side through all my ups and downs these past nine years, brings such joy into my heart. And what bonds us even closer is that our sons share the same age and kinship. I am so grateful for her. Spending time in her neighbourhood today was a welcome retreat from the bonds of my fretful house. We visited her local barista Sweat & Soda – a coffee home more than a coffee shop. I love this place! The latte – because of course I ordered one – was savoury, velvety, and sweet. There was no punch in the flavour; rather it was luscious, mellow, and calming – much like the decor of the coffee home – and it brought all my senses together filling me up with an inner harmony. What made the moment perfect was sharing it with my friend and our little sons. I felt removed from the strifes of my personal life, and lifted into the joys of friendship, stories, and cheer.
And so it is with each of these little moments that I remind myself that life is day-by-day; and it is little moments that fill each day, every day, with lasting memories, making life unique, special, and cherished. Little moments that can often be over-looked or taken for granted are truly the heart, breath, and soul of everyday living. For the love of coffee, solitude, nature, and friendship – I am so grateful for these little moments.
For The Love of Coffee. Published by Crystal Joy Hall
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