Sunday, April 23rd, 2017 at 10:24pm. There it is. A lump. There is no denying it, I can distinctly feel the “bump-bump” as my finger slides over it. I turn to my husband and ask him to feel. Yes. He feels it. It is a lump. A lump in my left breast. Panic. Tears. …
Breast Cancer
It is a remarkable spring day; although there is a cool breeze, the sun is brightly shining, and the warmth of its rays is stretching down from the brilliant blue skies to all below. Finally, it feels like the grip of winter has, at last, relented. Yet I struggle to smile today. I struggle to feel calm, serene, and happy….
It has definitely been a difficult few weeks. I haven’t had a lot of sleep because my son is in a phase where shadows, darkness, and generally all things spooky is waking him up each and every night, at all hours of the night. And of course, when tired and run down, my own thoughts become bleak, dreary, and wearisome….
Life is fleeting. It can toss us down a chaotic path, hurtling us through our days and catapulting us through the weeks. We get caught up in this breakneck speed and forget to take a moment – a simple moment to breathe, to connect, and to just be; and we forget to be grateful for all the little things that…
Fear can really mess with your emotions. It can toy with your hopes, play with your thoughts, and manipulate your mind. Today, fear took control of me – my thoughts, my actions, and basically my better judgement. And for this I am angry. I am angry because I gave fear the power to mess with my mind; and I am…
Yesterday marked my final appointment at Princess Margaret Hospital (PMH) and the University Health Network. I am filled with so many mixed emotions – gratitude, anxiety, nervousness, joy, and sadness. I am especially overwhelmed with sadness knowing that my final day at PMH also marks my son’s final day at Magic Castle. When I think back upon this breast…
One…Two…Three…Four…Five… commence the outburst, the tears, and the yelling “No count Mommy!!!”… Here you have two very determined and head-strong personalities clashing in a battle of wills: Mommy vs. The 3yr Old. And though Mommy wins the round, she always feels like she has lost the match. Sigh… Parenting is so hard. It is ridiculously hard. It’s tough to be…
My heart is bursting with emotions – of sadness, nostalgia, pride, excitement, happiness, and loneliness. Last night I couldn’t settle my mind. My sleep was disjointed and fraught with dreams that I cannot remember, but simply feel the haziness of their presence around me. Why am I so unsettled? Why am I feeling so lonely? Why am I worried? …
Okay. So I don’t mean to make light of a mammogram, but the upcoming test is totally freaking me out. The emotions that I am experiencing are mammoth. I am terrified on levels I haven’t felt since my battery of tests last year; and I feel trapped in a time warp – the memory of walking into the examining room…
And so we find ourselves in the midst of the tempestuous threes. The turbulent and tumultuous emotions exuding from our darling little 3 year old every minute of his waking hours are exhausting, frustrating, and sometimes a bit embarrassing to cope with. Though I know this is yet another phase, another developmental leap that he is making, it can almost…