I find myself in a restless place of reflection. Today is the 17th Anniversary of 9/11. A day that most people around the world will never forget – especially North Americans. Terrorist attacks, war, large-scale violence – these were all things reported about from the other side of the world, but not something you expected to witness in peaceful North…
Fear
Last year, in my post Baby Steps, I reflected upon my 2yr Cancerversary – the baby steps that I had taken and the ones I still needed to take. I discussed moving forward from the strife and outlined what I needed to do. And so, as my 3yr Cancerversary fast approaches, I want to take a moment to reflect on…
It has been an emotional month. Over the past 22 days I suffered from severe scanxiety. I know that I have touched upon this type of anxiety in my previous post Perhaps… Just Perhaps. And let me tell you folks – this sh!t is real. As my mammogram and ultrasound fast approached my scanxiety worsened. I felt uneasy – my…
Surviving breast cancer has it’s own set of challenges, hurdles, and set-backs. Your body has changed. Your mindset is altered. Your courage is challenged, almost daily, because you can never truly let go of the fear and the angst. You learn to function with it always being present. You learn to control it. You re-teach yourself how to live in…
It is the Christmas Season. And though we are going through the motions – decorating, baking, buying gifts, donating, visits to Santa, the Santa Claus parade, watching Christmas movies, listening to Christmas music, advent calendars, and so on and so forth – of late I simply have not felt that ‘Christmas Spirit’. I feel restless. I feel sad. I feel…
Sunday, April 23rd, 2017 at 10:24pm. There it is. A lump. There is no denying it, I can distinctly feel the “bump-bump” as my finger slides over it. I turn to my husband and ask him to feel. Yes. He feels it. It is a lump. A lump in my left breast. Panic. Tears. …
It is a remarkable spring day; although there is a cool breeze, the sun is brightly shining, and the warmth of its rays is stretching down from the brilliant blue skies to all below. Finally, it feels like the grip of winter has, at last, relented. Yet I struggle to smile today. I struggle to feel calm, serene, and happy….
It has definitely been a difficult few weeks. I haven’t had a lot of sleep because my son is in a phase where shadows, darkness, and generally all things spooky is waking him up each and every night, at all hours of the night. And of course, when tired and run down, my own thoughts become bleak, dreary, and wearisome….
Fear can really mess with your emotions. It can toy with your hopes, play with your thoughts, and manipulate your mind. Today, fear took control of me – my thoughts, my actions, and basically my better judgement. And for this I am angry. I am angry because I gave fear the power to mess with my mind; and I am…
Okay. So I don’t mean to make light of a mammogram, but the upcoming test is totally freaking me out. The emotions that I am experiencing are mammoth. I am terrified on levels I haven’t felt since my battery of tests last year; and I feel trapped in a time warp – the memory of walking into the examining room…