In my most recent post It is Never Quite Behind You I shared my fear regarding a pending breast ultrasound to further investigate a questionable axillary lymph node detected in my mammogram. At that time, I was feeling scanxiety at its worst – fear, panic, and dread. The breast ultrasound was 28 days ago, and as feared, a piece of…
Scanxiety
As a breast cancer survivor, I have learned to share space with the fear and anxiety that follows a diagnosis; and to give myself permission to express the range of heightened emotions felt post-cancer. The emotions are big, bold, and often overwhelming. This is my new emotional normal. When I am happy or excited the emotions expressed are huge, and…
So here I am. Sitting in the waiting room. One year has passed. Eight years since diagnosis. Scanxiety. It doesn’t get any easier. Time may distance you from the events that altered the course you thought your life was taking, but the scars, the scars never fade away. They are always visible, always present, always in the mind’s eye. Those…
For those of you who follow my blog, first let me apologize for being MIA once again. It seems to be an annual occurrence – me, missing in action during the summer months. Although I did upload a post on July 20th entitled Healing From Trauma, I truthfully haven’t written or invested time in my blog since. I wish I…
June was challenging. I slept walked through most of it, working hard at keeping emotions, memories, and phantom sensations at bay. Seven years since diagnosis. Seven years since multiple mammograms, ultrasounds, scans, blood work, biopsies, and a mastectomy all in a span of 22 days. And my journey has not ended. The healing begins after the trauma. And healing takes…
It’s that time of year again. The annual blood work and the mammogram. How am I coping? This year, I am not. I am drowning in the scanxiety. Over the years I have written a few blog posts outlining the realities of scanxiety and even offered tips on what to do to alleviate the symptoms. But, how does one cope…
I recently had my mammogram. This particular test causes considerable scanxiety within me. In the weeks leading up to, and the days that follow afterward, I feel a great sense of restlessness, angst, apprehension, and vulnerability. Though the mammogram itself is bearable – it is the psychological link to remembering what occurred 4 years ago that I find arduous. I…
Life has been busy, of late, and with the varied activities, obligations, and responsibilities I’ve been tasked with I have not had time to reflect. I have not been able to gather my thoughts. I have felt jumbled and unfocused in my writing, and I have been feeling stumped. I know that all of this is self-induced and that it…
Life has many ways of testing a person’s will, either by having nothing happen at all or by having everything happen all at once. – Paulo Coelho I am struggling. I am struggling with the long, cold, harsh, bleak days hanging down on us. I am struggling because this time of year brings back vivid memories that are hard to…
It has been an emotional month. Over the past 22 days I suffered from severe scanxiety. I know that I have touched upon this type of anxiety in my previous post Perhaps… Just Perhaps. And let me tell you folks – this sh!t is real. As my mammogram and ultrasound fast approached my scanxiety worsened. I felt uneasy – my…