In my most recent post It is Never Quite Behind You I shared my fear regarding a pending breast ultrasound to further investigate a questionable axillary lymph node detected in my mammogram. At that time, I was feeling scanxiety at its worst – fear, panic, and dread. The breast ultrasound was 28 days ago, and as feared, a piece of…
Fear
As a breast cancer survivor, I have learned to share space with the fear and anxiety that follows a diagnosis; and to give myself permission to express the range of heightened emotions felt post-cancer. The emotions are big, bold, and often overwhelming. This is my new emotional normal. When I am happy or excited the emotions expressed are huge, and…
It is October, which means, it is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. So, let’s talk about breasts – more specifically – breast health. I was 40 years old when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It shocked both myself and my family doctor. I was young(ish) and did not meet most of the increased risk factors. I also had no signs…
It was a challenging summer. Not one filled with lazy days, small adventures, and relaxing moments. This summer proved to be unsettling. My summer began with my regular scans and blood work, as many of you know if you read my post This Space in this Moment, and I am very grateful to share that everything came back within normal…
So here I am. Sitting in the waiting room. One year has passed. Eight years since diagnosis. Scanxiety. It doesn’t get any easier. Time may distance you from the events that altered the course you thought your life was taking, but the scars, the scars never fade away. They are always visible, always present, always in the mind’s eye. Those…
I wish I could say that this has been a good month. It truly should be. It’s June! The skies are blue, the flowers are in bloom, summer is in the air, days are getting longer, and I just returned from a magnificent adventure across the pond and have wonderful new memories settling within my heart. I should feel carefree…
Autumn It is autumn in Canada. This is the time of year when the rich greens of trees, and full blossomed flowers wither and fade; leaves turn to vibrant shades of red, orange, and yellow; morning dew coats the browning grass; wasps flit all around, buzzing on their sugar high; and the wildlife surrounding us prepares for long, cold winter…
June was challenging. I slept walked through most of it, working hard at keeping emotions, memories, and phantom sensations at bay. Seven years since diagnosis. Seven years since multiple mammograms, ultrasounds, scans, blood work, biopsies, and a mastectomy all in a span of 22 days. And my journey has not ended. The healing begins after the trauma. And healing takes…
Cancer. It is a foreboding word. When spoken aloud, the word cancer can elicit an array of powerful emotions – shock, dread, fear, isolation, loneliness, terror, panic, anger, sadness, anguish… Cancer. I remember vividly, the multitude of overwhelming emotions I felt when I knew the radiologist found cancer in my breast. I remember the icy sensation that seeped through my…
I have not written of late. I have been struggling with content. It isn’t because I am at a loss for stories to share. It is just that my stories all seem so small compared to those from the dramatic turn of world events. I am struggling to comprehend, to process, and to express all that I am feeling in…